I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
