This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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