You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
