I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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