dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
