i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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