Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
