My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
