he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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