You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
