They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
