he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
