Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
