I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
