i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
