Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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