Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
