Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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