your thong is hanging out like whoa
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
