flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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