Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
