i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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