Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
