Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
