Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
