I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
