We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
