you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
