i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
