im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
