Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't judge me šš¼ his dick just whispers my name
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After everything Iāve doneā¦ had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey gamesā¦. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
