Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
