The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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