Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
