I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
