Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
