"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do vagina's smell?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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