I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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