so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
