I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
