I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it because I queefed?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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