just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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