if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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