theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
