Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
