I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
