I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
