I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
