It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
