There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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