Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
