Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
