# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
