He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im holly from the hills drunk
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
