I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
