I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize