I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
