I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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