I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
