i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
