i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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