you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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