Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
