dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
