When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
