She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
