He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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